Day 1…NOT…one day…

It’s been several years since I’ve even looked at this blog and that’s probably because I spend so much time on all other avenues of social media scrolling and scrolling, I forgot about my dear little blog.

But a recent encounter made me remember that I do love writing, even if it’s to a blog that hasn’t been touched in years.

I’ve decided that 2018 is going to be a year fully dedicated to realizing what I want my future to entail. I was at a company for the past five years and it got to the point where each day was the worst day of my life. And that is just no way to live.

But the thing is, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO.

How is it that some people just know?

Totally not even fair. I have no idea, I have shit tons of debt. I can barely afford to live, but I guess you just have to keep going. Keep hoping that the next day will be better. Make the next day better?

2018 sounds like a year where shit gets better, right? It can’t any worse than 2017. I mean Donald Trump is president. Do you know how fucking insane it is that I’m writing that sentence in a blog I have not managed since Obama was president?

It’s pretty fucking insane. So I guess that’s where I’ll leave it. And maybe since now I don’t have an actual job, I’ll come back to this writing thing. And this writing thing will lead to the next thing, and that next thing will be my thing? Here’s hoping…

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New Year, New Post

It seems I manage about a post, a year either way, so here goes.

I did not make any resolutions this year, because I’m either too cynical or too realistic to do something as silly as that.  I made a list of things I want to do, or stop doing, but there’s no start date.  I think that puts on way too much pressure.  I do have people in my life that I want to be accountable to, so they keep me motivated, so I told them and it’s going to work.

I’m ready to make some changes.  It’s hard to make the slightest change, so those major ones, are just a whole lot of work.  But I’m committed.  I want to make better decisions, live a better life.

I’m going to the hospital soon to wait for the arrival of my new niece in the world, and I feel like she is going to help me in the goal of “becoming better.” This new human life has already begun to alter my worldview and the older she gets, the more that’s going to happen.  I’ve lived 26 years, and still feel lost, and she, well she’s not even out of the womb and I bet we both encounter the same thoughts. I want to be able to give her something to latch onto, to hope for, and I don’t feel like I’m doing that right now.

To new beginnings!

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I’m getting rid of my braces

So I’m getting my braces taken off next Wednesday morning.

I’m nervous. Super nervous.

Last appointment my doctor said I would only need to be in them a couple more months. But then asked if I wanted them off for a special occasion. I said no at the time but I’ve been thinking every day about getting them off and decided to just call and make an appointment.

Now I don’t know much about orthodontics beside what I’ve read online at archwired so I’m guessing he probably shouldn’t have made the offer unless it wasn’t going to totally ruin my treatment.

I’m having a bonded retainer installed and I definitely will verify with him when I go in that everything is fine. I know my teeth are not perfect. I knew that was not going to happen without surgery but my main concerns have been taken care of. I think elastics might tighten up the bite if I wore them longer but that’s the only thing that would change, and that’s not guaranteed. My friends all think my teeth look great and they are part of the reason I wanted braces in the first place since they a had them as a child and have great looking teeth.

Anyways, I have my appointment next week, and am super stoked for my slimy teeth to chomp on some corn on the cob.

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Poem of the Day

Poem of the Day

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Daylight Savings Haiku

Spring forward into

me, shifting time’s balance

as minutes fall back

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I just can’t seem to keep up

So here’s a random update on all things that I find relevant in my life at this very moment.

I’ve applied to grad school for my MFA in Creative Writing to three schools.  There were many more on the list, but the fees became overwhelming and the process too exhausting.  So I applied to Virginia Commonwealth University, Louisiana State, and SFSU (my alma mater).  I honestly don’t know if I would go back to SF because I need a change in my life, but we shall see.

I’m taking novel writing at Grossmont College with Lisa Shapiro and she is quite the amazing professor.  The class itself lacks organization but I do enjoy many of the people that are in my “small” group of 16 people so it’s not all bad.

Word count for an “A” in the class is just over 13,000 words, and I just started writing a couple nights ago.  I have about 5,000 right now, and my small group is workshopping a couple chapters of mine for the first time tomorrow night.  (My main motivation for getting something down on the page).  I also have a whole group workshop with my professor the following week, so I really want to get some feedback and polish up my submission for next week.  Let’s hope I can fit that in between both jobs, school, and trying to get a new job since the hours at my day job were cut significantly due to budget cuts.

I’m also taking a poetry workshop with Sydney Brown at Grossmont, and I absolutely love that class, because it’s like a big family of poets sprinkled with hugs, and beer, and love.  It’s sappy and I know it, but quite frankly, I don’t give a damn.

I’m also planning on submitting to the Squaw Valley Writer’s Conference.  Not sure if I want to do the writer’s workshop or poetry as I do write both and Sharon Olds will be attending the poetry workshop, and wouldn’t that be awesome to have Sharon Olds read my work?!?!  Yes I know.  It would indeed be awesome.

Outside of writing life, I have my braces to deal with.  It’s been over a year, and they are still on, and I don’t see any real progress as of late.  I went in to have two crowns done last week, and I’m still in quite a bit of pain.  The pain was really bad the first couple of days, so I got drunk and it wasn’t so bad anymore.  But I can’t do that working 14 hour days so I just deal.  I don’t eat as much, which is a good thing.  I think I may have lost a pound or two.  But the pain is an uneven throbbing that doesn’t seem to let up.  I’m hoping once I get the permanent ones put in, it will subside, but that’s not until next Thursday.

I’m also hoping that the crowns don’t extend my braces treatment any further than it has to be.  It’s been over a year already and my estimated time was 10-12 months.  I wanted to wait on the crowns until after braces, but I have insurance at my night job, so I figured why not just go ahead and do it while I have insurance, since most jobs on the market right now are not offering medical and definitely not dental insurance.  It still cost me just under a grand for both crowns, and boy did that hurt.  To pay that much money to be in pain for two weeks…don’t you just love American health care?

I’m feeling down at various corners of my life, and this blog, well writing in general seems to tug me along.  And so I write to the proverbial audience of the internet, and wonder if anyone but the voices in my head are listening.

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New Voices Reading

AKA shameless self-promotion and promotion of other writers I adore…Check it out! Audio links included

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