Day 1…NOT…one day…

It’s been several years since I’ve even looked at this blog and that’s probably because I spend so much time on all other avenues of social media scrolling and scrolling, I forgot about my dear little blog.

But a recent encounter made me remember that I do love writing, even if it’s to a blog that hasn’t been touched in years.

I’ve decided that 2018 is going to be a year fully dedicated to realizing what I want my future to entail. I was at a company for the past five years and it got to the point where each day was the worst day of my life. And that is just no way to live.

But the thing is, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO.

How is it that some people just know?

Totally not even fair. I have no idea, I have shit tons of debt. I can barely afford to live, but I guess you just have to keep going. Keep hoping that the next day will be better. Make the next day better?

2018 sounds like a year where shit gets better, right? It can’t any worse than 2017. I mean Donald Trump is president. Do you know how fucking insane it is that I’m writing that sentence in a blog I have not managed since Obama was president?

It’s pretty fucking insane. So I guess that’s where I’ll leave it. And maybe since now I don’t have an actual job, I’ll come back to this writing thing. And this writing thing will lead to the next thing, and that next thing will be my thing? Here’s hoping…

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New Year, New Post

It seems I manage about a post, a year either way, so here goes.

I did not make any resolutions this year, because I’m either too cynical or too realistic to do something as silly as that.  I made a list of things I want to do, or stop doing, but there’s no start date.  I think that puts on way too much pressure.  I do have people in my life that I want to be accountable to, so they keep me motivated, so I told them and it’s going to work.

I’m ready to make some changes.  It’s hard to make the slightest change, so those major ones, are just a whole lot of work.  But I’m committed.  I want to make better decisions, live a better life.

I’m going to the hospital soon to wait for the arrival of my new niece in the world, and I feel like she is going to help me in the goal of “becoming better.” This new human life has already begun to alter my worldview and the older she gets, the more that’s going to happen.  I’ve lived 26 years, and still feel lost, and she, well she’s not even out of the womb and I bet we both encounter the same thoughts. I want to be able to give her something to latch onto, to hope for, and I don’t feel like I’m doing that right now.

To new beginnings!

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I’m getting rid of my braces

So I’m getting my braces taken off next Wednesday morning.

I’m nervous. Super nervous.

Last appointment my doctor said I would only need to be in them a couple more months. But then asked if I wanted them off for a special occasion. I said no at the time but I’ve been thinking every day about getting them off and decided to just call and make an appointment.

Now I don’t know much about orthodontics beside what I’ve read online at archwired so I’m guessing he probably shouldn’t have made the offer unless it wasn’t going to totally ruin my treatment.

I’m having a bonded retainer installed and I definitely will verify with him when I go in that everything is fine. I know my teeth are not perfect. I knew that was not going to happen without surgery but my main concerns have been taken care of. I think elastics might tighten up the bite if I wore them longer but that’s the only thing that would change, and that’s not guaranteed. My friends all think my teeth look great and they are part of the reason I wanted braces in the first place since they a had them as a child and have great looking teeth.

Anyways, I have my appointment next week, and am super stoked for my slimy teeth to chomp on some corn on the cob.

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Poem of the Day

Poem of the Day

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Daylight Savings Haiku

Spring forward into

me, shifting time’s balance

as minutes fall back

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I just can’t seem to keep up

So here’s a random update on all things that I find relevant in my life at this very moment.

I’ve applied to grad school for my MFA in Creative Writing to three schools.  There were many more on the list, but the fees became overwhelming and the process too exhausting.  So I applied to Virginia Commonwealth University, Louisiana State, and SFSU (my alma mater).  I honestly don’t know if I would go back to SF because I need a change in my life, but we shall see.

I’m taking novel writing at Grossmont College with Lisa Shapiro and she is quite the amazing professor.  The class itself lacks organization but I do enjoy many of the people that are in my “small” group of 16 people so it’s not all bad.

Word count for an “A” in the class is just over 13,000 words, and I just started writing a couple nights ago.  I have about 5,000 right now, and my small group is workshopping a couple chapters of mine for the first time tomorrow night.  (My main motivation for getting something down on the page).  I also have a whole group workshop with my professor the following week, so I really want to get some feedback and polish up my submission for next week.  Let’s hope I can fit that in between both jobs, school, and trying to get a new job since the hours at my day job were cut significantly due to budget cuts.

I’m also taking a poetry workshop with Sydney Brown at Grossmont, and I absolutely love that class, because it’s like a big family of poets sprinkled with hugs, and beer, and love.  It’s sappy and I know it, but quite frankly, I don’t give a damn.

I’m also planning on submitting to the Squaw Valley Writer’s Conference.  Not sure if I want to do the writer’s workshop or poetry as I do write both and Sharon Olds will be attending the poetry workshop, and wouldn’t that be awesome to have Sharon Olds read my work?!?!  Yes I know.  It would indeed be awesome.

Outside of writing life, I have my braces to deal with.  It’s been over a year, and they are still on, and I don’t see any real progress as of late.  I went in to have two crowns done last week, and I’m still in quite a bit of pain.  The pain was really bad the first couple of days, so I got drunk and it wasn’t so bad anymore.  But I can’t do that working 14 hour days so I just deal.  I don’t eat as much, which is a good thing.  I think I may have lost a pound or two.  But the pain is an uneven throbbing that doesn’t seem to let up.  I’m hoping once I get the permanent ones put in, it will subside, but that’s not until next Thursday.

I’m also hoping that the crowns don’t extend my braces treatment any further than it has to be.  It’s been over a year already and my estimated time was 10-12 months.  I wanted to wait on the crowns until after braces, but I have insurance at my night job, so I figured why not just go ahead and do it while I have insurance, since most jobs on the market right now are not offering medical and definitely not dental insurance.  It still cost me just under a grand for both crowns, and boy did that hurt.  To pay that much money to be in pain for two weeks…don’t you just love American health care?

I’m feeling down at various corners of my life, and this blog, well writing in general seems to tug me along.  And so I write to the proverbial audience of the internet, and wonder if anyone but the voices in my head are listening.

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New Voices Reading

AKA shameless self-promotion and promotion of other writers I adore…Check it out! Audio links included

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I’m gonna get my rant on…

This rant is mainly for all the men in the world.  I’ve had a bit to drink so my honesty is a flowin…

Just stop saying shit you don’t mean.  That is all you have to do and you will solve a lot of problems.  Just don’t say those things.  It’s not hard, no one is forcing you to, and although it might be nice to know you are making a woman feel all warm and cuddly inside, but when push comes to shove and you aren’t there to hold your ground…then what?  You just started this whole fucking self-deprecating bullshit process all over again for said woman.  I know that I am fucking awesome, and love it when you constitute the fact with all your gestures and words, but you don’t have to get all serious about it.  Don’t you understand that when you say something to a woman, she actually listens?  She thinks about those things you said, and actually considers them?  I guess not.  Because if you did, you would not say those things, so we-future-make my heart flutter-things, and then just go away…just fucking disappear…I hate you for saying those things…I do,   I really fuckin do.

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This is Henrietta Lacks

All throughout San Diego college campuses are studying this woman’s history and will be putting on events next week to honor her contribution to the scientific world.

I am not ashamed to say I did not who very much about this woman until just a few days ago.

I am currently taking classes at Grossmont College, and my poetry class is collaborating with one of the art classes to create poems based on artistic representations of their knowledge of this woman. I think is all amazing, as I’ve talked to people in the scientific community who are completely unaware of this woman, her history, and the world changing impact she’s had on our world, after she died.

Rebecca Skloot, author of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, will be speaking at Grossmont College about her book at the end of this honorary week. I’ve only just started the book, but inspiration for my poetry has already started to develop.

If you don’t know much about this woman, or the famous HeLa cell, I encourage you to put it on your list of googles; and if you have time pick up the book. Even the introduction is fantastic. I am so thankful to be a part of this project, and cannot wait to see the poetry my classmates will be putting out for this study.

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I am writer…hear me roar

And I’m back!

I have an excuse for not blogging though.  I work two jobs and go to school, so yeah ha!  And my laptop screen has died so I can only use it when it’s hooked in to the television.  So I mainly use it to catch an episode of Survivor before I pass out for a few hours before waking up to go to work…again.

I’m turning 25 in just a few months and trying to figure out my next big move for my life.  I’m thinking of applying to a few MFA programs, which I really need to stop thinking about, and just do it.  My main issue is the lack of time, but I’m taking some writing classes in order to build up my manuscript.  The letters of rec and statement of purpose are next on the list, but man, I’m just so tired at the end of every day that I don’t have the energy.  Blah.  I’m working at my alma mater as a tutor, which I must say is probably the most interesting job I’ve ever had.  You can only imagine the conversations I overhear, and they all have tattoos.  It’s astounding.

Staring to submit more work, but this lack of a laptop is really halting the writing/blogging/submission process.  But I will endure.  I’m hoping to save up some money at some point, but with a speeding ticket, gas money, braces, and copays, I’m not sure when I will be able to “treat myself”.

Soon to post some poetry/fiction…need to carve out some time, and get on it.

By the way watching The Real Housewives NJ Finale (part one)…and Teresa is a nut job, end of story.

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